What Are You Doing?

Sometimes people have asked me what I’m doing with my time since being diagnosed with cancer.  I must admit that some days it takes a lot of energy to simply exist.  Luckily those days are few, and when they happen (predictably on days 5-8 after a chemo treatment) I just stare at reruns of “NCIS” without even seeing them.  However, I do get out to see friends, to go shopping, to have a meal, on almost every other day of the treatment cycle.  Even if I’m feeling blue or tired, I force myself out for a little while every day.  I’ve also learned to force myself to go out walking on days when I feel okay and the weather is good.  (My definition of “bad” weather has expanded to include high humidity however – sweating never feels good, but feels particularly yucky on a covered, yet bald head.)  So I am out a lot.

One thing I have always loved doing is cooking.  I find that it’s the one thing that completely empties my brain of all other tasks and trials.  It’s not that I find it relaxing, but I can’t multitask when I do it.  I have to concentrate on the task at hand or risk making a mistake that ruins the dish.  I also find it tremendously satisfying to make things that other people get to eat. When someone I love pronounces a dish I’ve made as yummy, it’s the highest form of flattery and satisfaction to me.

Recently, since feeling even better, I’ve done more cooking.  I made a Japanese dish, beef wrapped sauteed vegetables, for Ellie and Steve – one that I learned at a cooking class I took in April.  It wasn’t perfect because I couldn’t find thin enough beef, like that used to make shabu-shabu, which I would have bought in Tokyo.  I found thin beef, but I should have pounded it thinner.  That’s okay – it was still yummy, even if it didn’t look as perfect as I wanted it to.

Then, this week, I took it upon myself to make a full meal including dessert.  I had been having conversations with my friends Maxine and Bonnie (separately, I might add) about cooking and how seldom people cook from scratch anymore.  True foodies cook from scratch though, and I do like to consider myself a foodie, not just a gourmand! No one has time, and convenience foods are so readily available that many people rely on them exclusively in the U.S.  Cooking and eating are such arts and the preparation of a meal takes a lot of time that most working people don’t have anymore.  But time is one thing of which I have in abundance right now.

I went to the grocery store last Tuesday and slowly gathered ingredients.  I then spent upwards of three  or four hours in the kitchen and later tried not to feel disappointed as the meal was consumed in ten minutes.  Ellie and Steve are a pleasure to cook for, though.  They appreciate each flavor and are generous with compliments.  I didn’t care how long the meal took to make – the looks on their faces as they enjoyed it was more than compensatory.

My only food restriction from the cancer treatment is that I can’t eat fresh fruits and vegetables – nothing raw.  The doctors are afraid that if there’s one bit of bacteria that’s not washed off properly, then I might get sick in my immune-suppressed state.  Getting sick when one is immune-suppressed is dangerous.  So I can eat whatever I want – as long as it’s COOKED.

I made a Food Network shrimp dish for a main course.  Craving tomatoes and berries, I made a caprese salad with roasted tomatoes a la the Barefoot Contessa.  I also made ricotta cheese toast with caramelized tomatoes from Martha Stewart.  For dessert, also from Martha Stewart, we had blueberry and strawberry scones with cream cheese whipped cream.

Cooking is a great way to spend my time as I go through the treatments.  It occupies my time, empties my brain and delights my tummy.  So that’s what I’ve been doing.